Why We Must Drive Better—to Compensate for Others
There’s a lot we can control on the road, after all.
Many of us grumble about what’s wrong with drivers today, pining for the good ol’ days when everything in the world was apparently much better. At the relatively young age of 54, even I remember those days—before smartphone distraction, Tesla Doze-Off-Pilot, road rage involving guns, and epic cutoffs of swerving across three lanes to exit the freeway. But even in this modern madness, we can do a lot to control our destiny and make it safer.
When I was a columnist on traffic safety for Roundel, the national car magazine for the BMW CCA, many readers wrote to me over the years. Many appreciated being better empowered with quality information on driving techniques and situational awareness. Others, however, declared that it was all very well and good, but what about the other dangerous drivers who continued to tailgate, cut in front of them, and otherwise act irresponsibly? What could we possibly do to educate them—the ones who needed it most?
As we all know, there are some things we can’t control. But it’s also easy to get locked into a mindset that we’re trapped and victimized by circumstances. We forget that we can overcome much more than we assume.
The fact is, we probably can’t reform the most dangerous repeat offenders—the chronic DUIers, the hooligans who just have to drive faster than others, and the drivers who are addicted to their smartphones while behind the wheel, to name a few. But we do have three powerful tools at our disposal—motivation, compassion, and modeling.
In this case, motivation means that you give a damn. You want yourself, your family, friends, and even strangers to get home safely and live to see another day. You’re willing to educate yourself about how to be a safer, more aware driver (like reading this post) and to share that information with others ((I hope you will). And, as everyone knows, it’s often better not to lecture, but gently share, suggest, and make these resources available rather than forcing them upon others.
Compassion (a close cousin to empathy) plays a huge role in getting through many things in life, not just driving. It’s about letting go and moving on. It doesn’t mean that you need to be happy about forgiving; it’s perfectly natural—perhaps necessary—to get annoyed and angry. That’s what gives us our motivation. But it does mean that you have the power to control how you will act and feel and not to take revenge, become a road rager yourself, or make an already difficult situation even worse.
Remember, stupidity on the road isn’t necessarily from malicious intent; the other driver may have been simply oblivious for any number of reasons. Yes, they shouldn’t have done what they did, but getting angry at them and trying to educate or take revenge on them on the spot probably isn’t going to help the situation.
To be honest, you yourself have probably instigated a similar situation in the past that roiled others and you weren’t even aware of it. Their compassion made your day a better one.
Modeling is one of the most powerful things we can do. We can effect huge change if more of us are the drivers we want others to be, because humans naturally copy what their fellow beings are doing, even if they’re not always consciously aware of it. Keeping our speeds down, maintaining better spacing around us, and moving over to let faster drivers continue (and thus traffic flow) are all forms of modeling.
Another example of modeling is to absolutely refuse to talk to anyone who is calling from a cell phone while they are driving (even if they’re using a hands-free system such as Bluetooth). Instead, let them know you won’t converse with them until they are safely stopped—that sounds a powerful message. Even putting on your email signature something like “Sent from my iPhone, but not while driving” does the same thing. Few things are more effective than social disapproval that’s consistently drip-fed from many individuals.
Once we’re armed with these three tools of motivation, compassion, and modeling, our power is considerable. Use them daily to teach our children these values, because they are our best hope for not repeating the behavior we don’t want to see on our roads. Also do it with friends, colleagues, other family members, and complete strangers. You never know what effect you might have, whether it is a single act that prevents a crash or the cultural message you quietly transmit every time you drive.
No doubt, you yourself were spared from a crash because someone else was looking out for you when you were having a vulnerable moment or doing something unwise behind the wheel. So, your well-being depends on the motivation, compassion, and modeling of others, too.
In future posts on this Substack, I’ll teach you driving techniques that will help you positively control what traffic is doing around you (yes, it is possible, believe it or not!), lower the emotional temperature on the road, and make you and others safer and less stressed, even in the worst traffic conditions. I’ll discuss the concept of protective—not defensive—driving, shed light on why people drive the way they do, and what we can do about it as both individuals and part of the broader, literally moving collective.
After all, the road is a community, and whether you’re a driver, pedestrian, or a roller, you’re part of that community. Let’s give future generations less to gripe about when they reminisce about the good ol’ days!
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